Archive | March, 2012

Comparisons

29 Mar

Figured I’d go ahead and type this up. I need it for future reference since I’m sure my mind isn’t going to remember everything. It’s been killing me lately that I can’t figure out what we’re having. I really have no idea, I just go back and forth every day. I know in a few short days we’ll know for sure, but I’m so bad at waiting.

Same with both pregnancies

-Wretched morning sickness

-Pimples, pimples, pimples

-Craving mashed potatoes early on, craving sweets later on

-I feel I’m carrying the same way as I did with Lakyn

 

Different with both pregnancies

-Weird dreams with this pregnancy

-I dreamt that this baby was a boy

-Bit Bit isn’t nearly as active as Lakyn was

-Cheese revolts me during this pregnancy

-”Boy. Boy. Boy.” Every time I start thinking this baby is a girl, a voice in my head just keeps saying, “boy”.

-With Lakyn, I absolutely knew we were going to have a girl. No question.

 

Like I said, I go back and forth every day. If I had to choose one at this point, I’d say this baby is a boy. I just can’t shake that feeling lately for some reason. Will I be right?

Also, I want to make sure to document that every time we ask Lakyn what she’s going to have, she tells us “little sister”. Will she be right?

Merry-Go-Rounds and Little Bit Bit: Week 18

20 Mar

Look at me, combining two posts in one!

This weekend we enjoyed some family time complete with clothes shopping and a ride on the merry-go-round. One of our local malls has a carousel and Lakyn’s eyes lit up when she saw it. She kept calling it a merry-go-round, thanks to a Dora the Explorer book that we’ve only read about seven thousand times, and it’s adorable hearing her little voice say it. She decided she wanted to ride on the second floor of the carousel (its a fancy-shmancy one) so we climbed the stairs to the top and she picked out a zebra to ride on. She then told her Daddy he needed to ride on the panda bear. I wish I had a picture of that. It would have won awards. Momma lucked out and got to stand beside L. I was concerned because the last time I took her on a carousel (in Topeka), she hated it. Screamed the entire time. This time she loved it, though. Her smile never left her face and my heart exploded watching her enjoy herself so much. It must have made a lasting impression on her, too, because she hasn’t been able to stop talking about it since. She just keeps telling us at random times that she “rode the merry-go-round yesterday”. So what if she actually rode it three days ago? It’s darn cute hearing her say it! I have an extra carousel token, so I have plans to take her back again soon, but I have to admit I’m being selfish about. I’m only taking her back to the merry-go-round so I can see her face light up again.

A few things:

In the beginning of this pregnancy, I dreaded grocery shopping. I had to keep my eyes down and try not to smell anything or I’d be running for the nearest trash can. Now though, I have to resist the urge to put everything I see in the cart while simultaneously wiping the drool from my mouth. Crazy pregnancy hormones.

What is it about pregnancy that makes your face break out? I mean really? I feel like I get up every morning and have to introduce myself and my facial cleanser to about 7 more irritating pimples. Rude.

I’m already struggling to sleep through the night. Aside from waking up to pee umpteen times, I cannot get comfortable and stay comfortable. I’m not even 5 months along yet. This could be one very long pregnancy.

I never got the ‘nesting syndrome’ with Lakyn. I kept waiting for it to hit so I could finally use it as motivation to finish things up for her arrival, but it never did. Maybe it was because I was working and was exhausted when I came home. Dunno, but I DO know that I’ve been feeling some very strong urges to get everything in our house organized lately. Our storage room is about at capacity, meaning I know there’s more room but we’re not being efficient with the space, and that we have to crawl over and tip-toe around everything in that room to get what we want. Just thinking about it drives me nuts. <– That’s an understatement. The Hubs is gonna love me so very much when I tell him I have grand plans to clean it all out and organize the heck out of it during a weekend in our near future. Also, I’m starting to get the itch to put Bit Bit’s room together. We just need our sono to hurry up and get here (2 weeks)!

 

How far along? 18 Weeks, 1 Day
Total weight gain/loss: +1 lb – 2 lbs total! Progress!
Maternity clothes? A few things here and there, but I’m still wearing my regular clothes too.
Stretch marks? No
Sleep: No! The past two weeks have been terrible. I can’t seem to get comfortable.
Best moment this week: I don’t know if I can classify it as the ‘best’ thing due to the circumstances it was under, but I finally had a gender dream. I never had one with Lakyn and have been so jealous of all the mommy-to-be’s out there that do, but I finally did this week. I dreamt I delivered a healthy baby boy, but I’ll leave all other details about the dream out. Just way to weird and uncomfortable to talk about. Also, realizing that we’re almost halfway!
Miss Anything? Stating the obvious- wine. Being able to sleep on my back (which is probably adding to the above sleep problem). And Dr. Pepper. Oh, how I miss my Dr. Pepper.
Movement: lots of it!
Food cravings: Anything and everything at the most random times. I saw a girl munching on those chocolate and powder hostess donettes while walking through Target. I instantly had to have them. I HATE those things. Walking though the grocery store has become a battle, but I’ve gotten pretty good at not giving in to my cravings. This week I caved, though-I just had to have a bag of Sun Chips. Had to.
Anything making you queasy or sick: I still have an aversion to yellow cheeses, but I’ve been feeling much better lately as long as I stick with my meds.
Have you started to show yet: Yeppers
Gender: I still have no idea!!! 
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy, although that can change in an instant. Literally.
Looking forward to: Finding out what Bit Bit is in just a couple of weeks! :)

 

What do you think? Boy or girl?

5 Years Ago Today…

17 Mar

…was one of the happiest days of my life.

Let me start from the beginning.

The Mr. surprised me with a trip to Chicago over Spring Break our senior year of college. This girl was ecstatic! I’d never been to Chicago. Heck, I’d never been to a lot of places (nothing’s changed there), and to top it off we were flying. I’d never flown before. Ecstatic and scared. I hate planes.

Of course we’d been dating for a while and the thought that maybe something could happen on this little trip was sitting fore-front in my mind. I’d known since the day I met him that he was The One, and I’d only been dropping major hints about rings I liked for the last year and a half. Only. So, while packing for this trip, it only seemed natural that there were a few “Do you think’s?” and “Could this finally be it’s?”

Brandon was sneaky and never let on that anything could potentially happen. And believe that I was watching him like a hawk. He was very calm and collected during our talks about things we wanted to do and see and answered any question I threw his way. I purposefully opened random bags and stuck my hand in pockets to see if he’d freak out. No luck. And yes, I’m that girl that will ruin it for myself instead of waiting for the joy in the end. I HATE waiting. I’m not patient. I know this. I struggle with it. I’m working on it. Moving on.

Fast foward to Saturday, March 17th, 2007- We woke up Saturday morning with a plan to attend Chicago’s St. Patrick’s Day parade, the “dyeing of the river”, a visit to the Bean, and some sight seeing. It was such a beautiful day. A little chilly, but beautiful. And Chicago’s such a wonderful city. I could live there. Honestly, I could.

Later in the afternoon we headed back to the hotel to get ready for dinner. Brandon told me we were going out for a nice dinner. I didn’t think much about it until I was getting ready. In fact I think I was drying my hair when the realization hit me, “He planned this dinner. THIS could be it!” I still remember my wide-eyed look, staring at myself in the mirror.

I don’t know how I was still breathing at this point. I was so sure it was going to happen. I was a shaking mess, and I know it was nothing short of a miracle that I was able to walk in heels. Brandon grabbed his jacket and we turned to head out of the hotel room. Not before I took a quick survey of his pockets, though. Yes, I was looking for a ring box bulge. Pants pocket, jacket pocket, everywhere I could think to put a ring box. Nothing. My heart sank. “Got everything? You don’t want to forget anything. Wallet? Keys? Phone? Room card? Anything else you might need for the night?” <— I’ve never claimed to be smooth. Or sly. Brandon replied with a, “Yep. Let’s go.”

Even though it was literally only about 15 steps from our room to the elevator, it was the longest walk of my life. I remember waiting on the elevator and it taking all I had in me to keep from crying. I so badly wanted him to say, “Oh, forgot something. I’ll be right back.” But as the doors closed and the elevator went down, so did my hopes for this evening turning out to be the beginning of a new chapter in the rest of our lives together.

We ended up at the Navy Pier and walked around a bit. I decided to let go of  my disappointment and just enjoy this night out with Brandon. I honestly enjoyed looking at everything, walking around with Brandon, but I was starting to get pretty hungry. After asking where we were going to eat, Brandon points to a small cruise ship right in front of us. I was surprised, and curious, and eager. It seemed like fun! We walked on board and I was even more surprised. It was beautiful inside. Elegant table settings, big windows with views of Lake Michigan, soft music playing. It was all just very nicely done. We had a wonderful meal, complete with before dinner cocktails, appetizers, salads, entrees, and desserts. A band played music and during the meal the ship left the dock and slowly cruised the lake, offering amazing views of Chicago’s sky line all light-up at night. Brandon kept commenting on how he wanted to go up to the observation deck to look at the view. I, on the other hand, knew it was going to be freezing, and kept wanting to put it off. I finally caved and told him we’d go up before dessert came. We enjoyed conversation, the music, and the food. Did I mention that already? It was just a great night. We finished dinner and had a little break before dessert so we headed to the observation deck. Thinking that it would be freezing was an understatement. Mid-March on Lake Michigan is not warm, people. I was instantly shaking with every fiber of my being. My little jacket was doing nothing to help the situation and I started cursing myself for deciding on the little black dress I was wearing. Brandon wrapped his arms around me to offer as much warmth as he could. The view was breathtaking, though. And it was so peaceful up there just Brandon and I and the water, enjoying the view. We took time to take it all in.

And then Brandon started talking, and I started thinking he was being weird. He was saying things like, “I’ve enjoyed our trip so far” and “I want to take more like this with you”.  I was thinking things like, “yeah, so have I” and “Yes, so do I, but why are you being so weird” and “what in the world is going on?” And then he says, “and in order for that to happen you need to be my wife”.

What?

I spun around to look at him and ask him exactly what he meant by that, to find him on one knee holding a ring. And there were tears instantly. My vision was so blurry I couldn’t see a darn thing. Not him, not the ring, probably not even my own hand. I grabbed for him and there was lots of hugging. I was sobbing, mumbling. All I could do was mumble. Who does that when they’re proposed to? I’m pretty sure I never said ‘yes’, but I didn’t have to. And I didn’t see my ring until about 5 minutes later. We stayed on the deck, hugging, me crying, hugging some more, and shaking uncontrollably from the cold. After heading inside, I looked for the nearest bathroom to clear my face of the mascara streaks I was sure were there. I walked in, cleaned up my face, and finally got to see my ring. The man done good! But that wasn’t all that important. What was important was how in the world he snuck it by me!!!!!!! Where did he hide it?!?! I looked everywhere. Where did he have it all night?… I’m kidding. (He had it in his computer bag. The one place I never thought to look. And he took the ring out of the box and put it in his suit jacket pocket, so no ring box bulge. Duh!)… The most important thing to me was that we were able to finally start that chapter in our book! And the fact that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me! Squee!

The rest of the night went like this…dessert, wine, and dancing. But really, I just kept staring back and forth from my hand to my fiance! I was a lucky gal! And I consider myself even more lucky because the proposal didn’t go anything like this, “So, you wanna get hitched or something?” For that story, go here.

Post ring and tears.

 Five years ago today, I was made ridiculously happy. 

 

Potty Training and Guilt

8 Mar

Today I busted out my bread maker Brandon got me for Christmas. For the first time. Lakyn sat on the counter and helped me dump in the ingredients and we enjoyed the amazing aroma of fresh bread wafting through the house all day and peeking through the window of the lid. Who was pumped for dinner tonight? This girl! Until the bread was done and I realized it was a rock. Bummer. I really don’t know what happened. I followed the recipe exactly. The bread rose fine, it was just super dense and heavy. Brandon made me feel better by telling me a story about when he was younger and taking a loaf of bread his mom made to school to show his friends. He referred to it as a ‘brick’ and said he “thought it was hilarious and wanted to show everyone.” I did laugh, but really the story left me grateful that Brandon works from home. I can just picture him taking my bread in to the office to have a nice chuckle with his work buddies. He’s mean, that one. ;)

Potty Training has started in our house. I’m really on the mission to have Lakyn out of diapers before the baby gets here. I don’t want two in diapers at the same time. I know we still have some time, but I want to make sure we give L plenty of it and she gets comfortable with going on the potty. I feel she’s done really well with it so far. We started on Saturday with just a few accidents and a handful of ‘hits’ in the potty. By Sunday she was holding it all in until we’d put her in a pull-up at nap time or at bed time. Sneaky fox. We’d get her to sit on the potty, but with no luck. We scrapped Sunday and hoped for better luck on Monday which turned out to be a repeat. Today, though, was much better! Brandon and I decided that our original plan of not offering treats for going potty, just wasn’t working for Lakyn, so today I brought out the big guns (Hershey Kisses). She went on the potty 4 times today (3 pee, 1 poop) and we had no accidents!!! We also went out of the house 3 different times today in her underwear with no problems! I’m so proud of our big girl! She’s learning so fast, although I can’t say that I’m really surprised. She’s proved time and time again that she can roll with the punches, the last instance being when we took her off of her pacifier shortly after her 2nd birthday. If I would have known how easy that whole experience was going to be, we would have done it a lot sooner! I’m sure there will be rough days ahead of us, and I know we’re not even close to the end of this potty journey, but I’m very happy with our beginning and how things have progressed. I seriously cannot express how proud I am of her. Seriously.

I think she may love washing her hands more than getting her treat for going potty. Also, the girl rocks a ponytail better than I ever could!

Now, I’m about to get real here. In about 24 more weeks we’ll be adding another little Ratzlaff to the family. While I’m crazy excited about the addition, Guilt has crept in and nestled itself into the corners of my brain so that nearly every other thought I have is of the awful feeling that only Guilt can provide. In short, I’ve been feeling guilty a lot lately. Guilty about several things, but it all sums up to me feeling guilty that we’re about to turn Lakyn’s world upside down. All she knows right now is that Mommy and Daddy give all of their attention to her, whenever she wants it and even when she doesn’t want it. She’s the only ‘baby’ around. I feel guilty for the future when I’ll have to tell her that I can’t color a picture with her or trace her hand because I have to change the baby’s diaper, bathe the baby, or rock the baby to sleep. I feel guilty for the future when we have to tell Lakyn that only one of us can read her bedtime stories and help with her nightly rituals because the other is tending to a crying baby.  And I feel incredibly guilty for the future Lakyn when she sees Mommy and Daddy snuggling and kissing on this new baby that’s always around and for when this baby is getting more attention.

For when she realizes that she will now, forever, have to share Mommy and Daddy.

I worry about the future when she’s going to ask, “Mom, how come you didn’t do this for me when I was a baby?” Examples being recording this baby’s heartbeat but the thought not even crossing my mind to do it with Lakyn. Or how I’ve documented everything for this baby on this blog, but have a few (at best) things documented in Lakyn’s baby book for her. I have no idea what I’m going to say to that.

I look at her precious little face and hope and pray that Brandon and I will be able to convey to her that she’s still important to us, that she always will be, and that she knows we still love her with all our hearts. I know the baby’s arrival will be an adjustment for all of us, especially for Lakyn, and I know in time it’ll be just fine, that she’ll end up loving this baby and that she won’t remember what life was like before the baby was born. I just worry about everything until that point. I want to be the best mom I can to both of my children. Who knows, maybe she’ll prove once again that she can handle whatever we throw her way!

Am I crazy for feeling guilty about all this? Has anyone else gone through this?

Little Bit Bit: 16 Weeks

6 Mar

Hard to believe how fast this pregnancy is going! I think it’s safe to say that I’m feeling much better these days. I still have a few spurts here and there, but its definitely manageable and it’s been almost two weeks since I’ve thrown up! At our appointment last week my doctor made a comment about how I’m looking much less green! To which I responded, “bout time!”

I’m remembering how much I loved being pregnant with Lakyn. Call me crazy, but I’m one of “those” women. Even with all the nausea and sickness, I loved it. I so enjoyed watching my tummy grow every week and I absolutely loved holding my belly and feeling her move all around inside! Which brings me to my next point…

I’m feeling Bit Bit move! I was pretty sure that I’ve been feeling movement for about the past week, but this past Saturday sealed the deal. It’s crazy how I went a week thinking, “could that have been the baby, I think maybe that was the baby,” to “Oh, THAT was definitely the baby!”. I can’t think of a better feeling! LBB is most active in the evenings, around 10pm when I’m laying on the couch getting caught up on my DVR. 10 pm was Lakyn’s favorite time, too. These two are so similar already! :) Brandon keeps trying to feel Bit Bit move as well, but nothing yet. I’m sure it’ll take another couple of weeks.

At our appointment last week Bit Bit’s heart rate was 155 and everything is looking great. My mysterious rash has cleared up (we’re chalking that one up to a reaction to my prescription I was taking), and I seem to be turning the corner on this vicious nausea ride. Yippee!

Please forgive me for not wearing a tighter shirt in the picture. This one was just so comfy and I wasn’t changing for the sake of a picture! My excuse for the sweater? I didn’t shave my armpits. You’re welcome for sparing you the beauty.

Also, I apologize for how tired I look in all of these pictures. It’s like 9:30 when we take them. If the bags under my eyes and the exhaustion are any indication, 9:30 should become my new bedtime.

How far along? 16 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss: I finally gained a pound! (Even though the scale at the doctor’s office says I’m down 2 more pounds. I know it’s wrong though.) +1 lb! Wahoo!!!
Maternity clothes? Slowly starting to wear some. I bought a new pair of maternity jeans that I’ve been rockin’ lately.
Stretch marks? No
Sleep: Waking up to pee every night at 3 am. That and trying to reteach myself to sleep on my side which is currently resulting in lots of tossing and turning.
Best moment this week: Feeling Bit Bit move!
Miss Anything? Being able to do anything I want without having to think about it. There’s a 5k coming to KC this summer that I would LURVE to do (the KC Color Run! So awesome!), but alas, I’m with child. It’ll have to wait until next year.
Movement: YES! It’s the best!
Food cravings: Cereal, especially Honey Bunches of Oats. Sweets are toying with me. They sound so good and smell so good, but I can only take a couple bites before I start to feel sick. Still any beverage.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Too many sweets, yellow cheeses, and cooking chicken.
Have you started to show yet: Yep
Gender prediction: I’ve gone back and forth so many times. I just don’t have a clue.
Belly Button in or out? In
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy!
Looking forward to: Finding out what this little one is in a few more weeks!