Potty Training and Guilt

8 Mar

Today I busted out my bread maker Brandon got me for Christmas. For the first time. Lakyn sat on the counter and helped me dump in the ingredients and we enjoyed the amazing aroma of fresh bread wafting through the house all day and peeking through the window of the lid. Who was pumped for dinner tonight? This girl! Until the bread was done and I realized it was a rock. Bummer. I really don’t know what happened. I followed the recipe exactly. The bread rose fine, it was just super dense and heavy. Brandon made me feel better by telling me a story about when he was younger and taking a loaf of bread his mom made to school to show his friends. He referred to it as a ‘brick’ and said he “thought it was hilarious and wanted to show everyone.” I did laugh, but really the story left me grateful that Brandon works from home. I can just picture him taking my bread in to the office to have a nice chuckle with his work buddies. He’s mean, that one. ;)

Potty Training has started in our house. I’m really on the mission to have Lakyn out of diapers before the baby gets here. I don’t want two in diapers at the same time. I know we still have some time, but I want to make sure we give L plenty of it and she gets comfortable with going on the potty. I feel she’s done really well with it so far. We started on Saturday with just a few accidents and a handful of ‘hits’ in the potty. By Sunday she was holding it all in until we’d put her in a pull-up at nap time or at bed time. Sneaky fox. We’d get her to sit on the potty, but with no luck. We scrapped Sunday and hoped for better luck on Monday which turned out to be a repeat. Today, though, was much better! Brandon and I decided that our original plan of not offering treats for going potty, just wasn’t working for Lakyn, so today I brought out the big guns (Hershey Kisses). She went on the potty 4 times today (3 pee, 1 poop) and we had no accidents!!! We also went out of the house 3 different times today in her underwear with no problems! I’m so proud of our big girl! She’s learning so fast, although I can’t say that I’m really surprised. She’s proved time and time again that she can roll with the punches, the last instance being when we took her off of her pacifier shortly after her 2nd birthday. If I would have known how easy that whole experience was going to be, we would have done it a lot sooner! I’m sure there will be rough days ahead of us, and I know we’re not even close to the end of this potty journey, but I’m very happy with our beginning and how things have progressed. I seriously cannot express how proud I am of her. Seriously.

I think she may love washing her hands more than getting her treat for going potty. Also, the girl rocks a ponytail better than I ever could!

Now, I’m about to get real here. In about 24 more weeks we’ll be adding another little Ratzlaff to the family. While I’m crazy excited about the addition, Guilt has crept in and nestled itself into the corners of my brain so that nearly every other thought I have is of the awful feeling that only Guilt can provide. In short, I’ve been feeling guilty a lot lately. Guilty about several things, but it all sums up to me feeling guilty that we’re about to turn Lakyn’s world upside down. All she knows right now is that Mommy and Daddy give all of their attention to her, whenever she wants it and even when she doesn’t want it. She’s the only ‘baby’ around. I feel guilty for the future when I’ll have to tell her that I can’t color a picture with her or trace her hand because I have to change the baby’s diaper, bathe the baby, or rock the baby to sleep. I feel guilty for the future when we have to tell Lakyn that only one of us can read her bedtime stories and help with her nightly rituals because the other is tending to a crying baby.  And I feel incredibly guilty for the future Lakyn when she sees Mommy and Daddy snuggling and kissing on this new baby that’s always around and for when this baby is getting more attention.

For when she realizes that she will now, forever, have to share Mommy and Daddy.

I worry about the future when she’s going to ask, “Mom, how come you didn’t do this for me when I was a baby?” Examples being recording this baby’s heartbeat but the thought not even crossing my mind to do it with Lakyn. Or how I’ve documented everything for this baby on this blog, but have a few (at best) things documented in Lakyn’s baby book for her. I have no idea what I’m going to say to that.

I look at her precious little face and hope and pray that Brandon and I will be able to convey to her that she’s still important to us, that she always will be, and that she knows we still love her with all our hearts. I know the baby’s arrival will be an adjustment for all of us, especially for Lakyn, and I know in time it’ll be just fine, that she’ll end up loving this baby and that she won’t remember what life was like before the baby was born. I just worry about everything until that point. I want to be the best mom I can to both of my children. Who knows, maybe she’ll prove once again that she can handle whatever we throw her way!

Am I crazy for feeling guilty about all this? Has anyone else gone through this?

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